3 Ways To Inspire ConfidenceNov 14, 2022
(There is a free Affirmations For Confidence PDF for you to download at the bottom of the blog.)
What is Confidence?
In order to inspire confidence firstly we must know what it actually is. Confidence is self-trust in your skills, choices & values. Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or success. Confidence is important in many areas of our lives as it shapes how we make decisions, how we speak to people, how we treat ourselves and others, how we grow, how we move up the ladder in a career, how we choose romantic relationships... it's important to build confidence so that all different areas of your life can thrive. Confidence also allows you to stop over-thinking, to stop feeling overwhelmed, to stop being a perfectionist, to stop people pleasing and to stop you from feeling powerless in the outcomes of your life.
Confidence vs self-esteem
So what's the difference between confidence and self-esteem? Confidence is more of an external quality based on trust in your abilities. Self-esteem on the other hand is more internal and is about how you view yourself in terms of how valuable you feel you are. Confidence is more about the skills you have whereas self-esteem is about who you are as a person. You can have confidence without self-esteem.
Let's look at confident behaviour vs not so confident behaviour.
- Looks to the positive
- Has goals
- Good at leadership & is a team player
- Able to get out of comfort zone
- Able to meet new people
- Able to adventure
- Less stuck in head
- Motivated, excited & driven
- Challenges themselves
- Doesn’t compare
- Can deal with stress well
- Aligned - knows what's important
- Has role models
- Looks to the future with excitement
- Knows they are worthy of everything they desire
- Acknowledges their mistakes & can learn from failure
- Takes responsibility Healthy boundaries
Not so confident behaviour
- Demotivated & sense of hopelessness
- Doesn't feel deserving
- Stays in comfort zone
- Ruled by fear & emotions
- Compares a lot
- Complains & feels like a victim
- Not adhering to values or true self
- Looks to past
- Doesn't know their worth
- Can't acknowledge their mistakes
- Need to control
- Unhealthy boundaries
- Stagnant, stuck, lost
- Struggles with compassion
- Doesn't like a challenge
Subconsciously you may be self-sabotaging
We want to move from feeling not so confident - to highly confident, thriving & flourishing. We want to divert all the energy going into the not so confident behaviours to the confident behaviours. Right now, you are choosing the not so confident behaviours. In the sense that this is not about who you are as a person - this is about behaviours you are choosing right now. When we see this as a choice we can empower ourselves to make change. This choice is totally subconscious & based on your beliefs. I am going to inspire you to change this. It starts by understanding the way the brain works: we are wired to survive we are not wired for happiness. ( However we are also wired for healing so don't give up quite yet!) The main reason we are not experiencing confidence usually comes down to some sort of fear. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection. So let's see how we can empower you to choose a different path, a path full of self-confidence.
1. Celebrate your achievements.
Often people who are lacking in confidence focus on where they have gone wrong without celebrating their achievements. They have created a negative bias looking for all the ways they are going wrong. The way our brain is wired means that we are on the look out for threats. We are therefore more likely to notice all the struggles, the difficult moments & the pain in our lives rather than look at all the incredible things we have done and the impact we have had on other people's lives. So we have to start actively looking for these things.
Action Step: Write in a journal for 6 weeks - write down 3 things you do daily that have had some kind of positive impact, no matter how small it is. For example, reaching out to a friend, making a cup of tea for yourself when you are stressed, taking time to make your bed each morning. 6 weeks is all it takes for you to start rewiring the brain to notice the positives. (Feel free to share your experience of this exercise with me [email protected])
2. Role models are important for inspiring confidence
Wherever you are at in your confidence journey, having role models is a must. In order to build confidence it's important to observe others and see how they are achieving the things you want to achieve. However it's really important to not compare yourself to others. Looking up to people who are doing what you want to be doing is a huge driver for self-confidence. It's the idea that: "If they can do it so can I." The more alike you think you are, the greater the influence they will have on you. So do your research and find someone whose story you can really relate to. Someone who doesn't want to inspire confidence will always find ways to see how different they are & how they are not able to relate to anyone. This puts you in victimhood mode which actively stops you from changing. (Click here for more on victimhood mode.)
3. Stop being a perfectionist
Perfectionism stops you from doing so much and it will not allow you to inspire confidence into your life. Perfect does not exist. There is a difference between healthy conscientiousness & perfectionism. Perfectionism forces you to focus on the unattainable which is miserable! You loose the beauty of the journey & process. You constantly shift the goal post making it impossible to reach your own standards.
Instead cultivate compassion. Confident people are compassionate towards themselves and towards others. It's not about judging ourselves all the time and doing everything right. Confident people live by the 70% rule - put 70% effort into everything you do and no one will notice the difference. 70% is enough!
Then start to notice that the likelihood you are being a perfectionist is because you have some kind of fear of failure and therefore a need to try to prove yourself. It's important in personal growth work to start to dive deeper than the surface behaviours that are showing up for you. What if you believed you couldn't fail, that you were always enough no matter how "good" you are at your job, no matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how many times you fail? It would mean that you would get out of your comfort zone and learn so much! The journey of failing before you succeed is just part of the journey of life. Perfectionism stops you from achieving so much in your life and forces you to play small. So start saying these positive affirmations to yourself every morning:
"I am always enough."
"When I fail, I learn."
"I am safe."
"Mistakes are part of the process."
"What is meant for me will not miss me."
Affirmations for Confidence
Affirmations can be incredibly powerful to rewire your brain to create powerful changes in your mindset. Research shows that repeating affirmations daily has a huge long term impact on how we think, feel & behave. Affirmations have completed reshaped the way I view myself and are part of my daily practice. That's why I wanted to give you some affirmations for confidence to help inspire your practice - when you first practice affirmations it can feel a little awkward but I promise you it gets easier & starts to feel more normal!
Click here to sign up to receive a free Affirmations for Confidence PDF to your inbox.
Need more help to inspire confidence in your life?
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