Mindset Coaching - 3 Transformational TipsJan 30, 2023
Mindset coaching is a really fantastic way for us to start to dive deep and have a really good look at out what’s going on. As a mindset coach, a self-worth coach, a life coach (there are many names I could go by!) I am fascinated by helping people have a look at their own patterns and where they might be holding themselves back from living a more fulfilling life. I teach clients to recognise their own limiting beliefs and help them achieve what they truly want.
The majority of our feelings, thoughts, actions & beliefs are subconscious. As kids we absorb what our caregivers want from us, we absorb what society wants from us & we absorb what our peers want from us. The likelihood is you have been brought up and conditioned to have a particular mindset when it comes to living your day to day life. Have you ever questioned that mindset? Have you ever questioned what success really means to you rather than to other people? Have you really questioned your views on money, politics, lifestyle, mental health, food, animals, emotions and so on?
So what is mindset coaching?
The dictionary describes mindset as the established set of attitudes held by someone. Your mindset is also the beliefs you have that shape your sense of the world and who you are. If you grew up believing you were useless, too sensitive & not beautiful enough… then these beliefs are shaping so many of the decisions you make in life without you really realising it. So it’s important to take a look at your mindset and start to use tools to create a mindset that is going to support the life you want to have rather than hider it.
If you want to get the most out of who you are, what you deserve and live a fulfilled and meaningful life then your own mindset is the place you need to start. In this blog, I want to talk about 3 mindset coaching tips to help you reach your full potential:
- Zoom out & gain perspective.
- Focus on your energy.
- Let go of perfect, it doesn’t exist.
Zoom out & gain perspective
My fist mindset coaching tip is for you to start to look at things from a distance. In order to zoom out and gain perspective it’s a good idea to become grateful for all the things you do have, all the ways in which you are doing well, all the things in your life that have turned out beautifully. Sometimes when we have a negative mindset we find it hard to be grateful for these things so I want you to zoom out even further.
“I am grateful to live in a place that is safe and not at war, I am grateful I have a roof over my head, I am grateful I have so many freedoms that are not afforded to others, I am grateful to be able to have safe water, and hot water for a shower!”
As basic as this may seem, it’s this practice that really helped me move from a place of thinking the world was out to get me, to realising that the world was continually supporting me. When you have this mindset shift, you not only support your mental health, but your physical health too. This isn’t just about thinking positively. Positive thinking can feel impossible when you are in a negative space, but instead just start to notice, from a distance, that in the midst of the difficult moments, there are some pretty wonderful moments too. Life is never black and white. It’s often grey!
I believe that pretty much all our struggles require a mindset shift which includes gaining perspective. Difficult and painful things happen to all of us. We get to sit in the suffering and wallow in the pain, or we get to choose to consciously process the pain without the suffering (our egos create unnecessary suffering - we can be sad without attaching ourselves to a story of “bad things happen to me” “why am I so useless that I feel sad all the time?”). Instead of thinking "I am exhausted, I can't cope!" We can accept that we are exhausted without it meaning that we can't cope! The likelihood is, you have been exhausted before and you coped pretty well. And if you didn't cope well, that's ok too. Remember the difficult emotion is not the problem, it's the story of suffering that your mindset creates that is the problem... which in turn causes the problem to persist & get bigger.
This mindset shift takes courage. It takes strength for you to realise that so much of the pain inside you is being created by a subconscious mindset. Which is why practices like mindfulness, meditation & yoga are so beneficial - they pull us out of living in our subconscious minds and push us towards living a more consciously created life. It takes courage to choose to change years of conditioning, to look at the ways in which we are responsible, to stop blaming others. But, you are here right now, reading this, which tells me you have all the courage you need inside.
New Energy no matter the outcome
Instead of thinking about the outcome of every single situation, start to think about the energy you are showing up with to each situation. For example, if you don’t like your job, and you feel powerless to change the station right now for financial reasons, for family reasons, for whatever reason… you can continue to complain about this, you can continue to hate every single minute, or you can start to see that you can show up with a different type of energy.
What about showing up with an energy that accepts the current situation, that stops trying to make it perfect, that stops putting you in a place of victimhood. What about deciding that this is not your forever job, that the pain you feel around this is to be listened to with compassion & kindness. That it’s your job to start focusing on a solution not continually beating the drum of your problem. When you start to focus on a solution you are giving yourself the opportunity to allow for change and transformation rather than believing this is it forever!
There’s a solution to many of our problems, we are just so focused on the problem that we can’t see the many ways in which we can help ourselves. We tend to dramatise our problems when our mindset comes from a place of low self-worth and we struggle to problem solve. What about choosing to not focus on the job right now, but instead, what else have you got going on in your life that brings you joy? How can you do more of that? How can you focus on some smaller steps to make some changes in your life - because usually it’s the smaller steps that lead to the bigger transformations.
Instead of focusing on changing your job if that feels impossible right now, focus on how you are speaking to yourself. Are you speaking to yourself with love, kindness and compassion or are you telling yourself how rubbish you are all the time? How will you ever create change if you are so hard on yourself?
Are you finding time for stillness? Are you finding time to get curious as to why you don’t like your job? Are you finding time for reflection and journaling? Are you spending time talking to people who have been in a similar situation? Do you have role models you can approach and gain insight from? If you can’t spare 20 minutes a day for a reflective practice, how will you find the energy to change the bigger picture?
I know all these questions probably feel overwhelming right now but start small. Baby steps. Your routine each day and the way you show up for yourself is more impactful than you could ever imagine. My huge changes came from a daily 25 minute practice of meditation, affirmations, gratitude and intention setting. The allowed me to go through a divorce with grace & compassion & they inspired my move from the UK to Bali.
Let go of perfectionism
Perfectionism is NOT a good thing. Perfectionism actually limits people more than you can imagine. Perfectionism always comes from an unhealthy desire to prove ourselves. Your biggest challenge when being a perfectionist - letting things go. If you want to have a miserable life, be a perfectionist! Even if you do manage to create something aligning with "perfect", you will always move the goal post & aim to reach higher next time. It’s a never ending cycle of bullshit. It is damaging you more than you realise.
Perfectionism says to our subconscious mind: “you aren’t good enough, you have to keep doing more, no that’s not correct, do it all over again, try harder, you are never going to be good enough.” Even if you don’t realise it, this is what’s going on at a deeper level. Once you start to realise that the way you are navigating your life is toxic for your self-worth, you can make steps to change it. I always tell my clients - aim for 70%, that’s enough. You don’t have to be perfect - your worthiness is not dependent on you being perfect. People loving you is also not dependent on you being perfect either.
All of the mindset tips above take time and work. There are many coaches out there who can help you work on changing your mindset. Life coaching has become more and more popular over the last few years because clients are seeing incredible life changing results. My clients understand that doing this work feels daunting, scary & uncomfortable at first. But once you start even dipping your toe in the water, you will experience some big & wonderful shifts.
Workbook - Free Your Needs
Want to take this work further? Find out what your needs are and how to meet them in healthy ways over the next 6 months.
Check out my new workbook - click here.